Tittie Commitee

Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? My bosoms bounce as I run down the stairs, a frequent reminder of their shear size and weight as they lift, hold, and drop back down. Ka – boom, ka – boom. When I roll over from one side of the bed to the other a faint clap, slap, bloop is heard from beneath the sheets. Breasts, boobs, bosoms, titties, tits and rack. 

I always looked at my mothers relatively sizable chest, weighing in at a C cup, perhaps the most common size to desire. Then I’d turn to my father, lounging in his swim trunks, despite the hairy covering you could make out a B cup underneath for sure. I’m no mathematician but in this scenario C + B equals DD, and that’s what I got. 

At the age of thirteen my high school crush turned to me and said “boobs mean nothing on a fat chick.” An interesting statement coming from a young, pre pubescent teenager who knew, well, nothing. At this stage I was a 12DD. At seventeen I found myself locking and loading myself into two different sports bras in attempt to eliminate the bounce as I spent my nights running up and down the road. Not only did this leave me with some serious strap lines but also a real maze of confusion to get out of. After years of running I began to develop a relatively fit frame, but guess what? My boobs stayed the same, voluptuous, sizable and yes they did still wobble to and fro.
So, do my boobs still mean nothing now that I’m not a fat chick?

In high school it wasn’t the actual developing rateof boobs that perplexed me, I understood basic puberty, but I couldn’t help but tilt my head in confusion as girls flounced their breasts around fitting rooms –why did mine not look like that? A quick flick on E! would have me secretly punching in the code to watch Girls of the Playboy Mansion and with ballooning bosoms and high sitting nipples again I’d wonder, why do mine not look like that?

Something we don’t get told enough is the variation from breast to breast. My boobs don’t look like yours, and your boobs don’t look like mine. Mine don’t bounce like yours, and yours don’t bounce like mine – not all of us have to wear two sports bras, and in that case count yourself lucky. I know that some girls get self conscious and stuff themselves silly like a chicken on Christmas but really, who is it for? Boobs are more than just big or small. I’ll be honest, I was always jealous of the small, tight, perky and upright boobies my friends had. Little did I know they wanted my nunga – nungas, bounce, fall and all. It’s true what they say, we always want what we can’t have.

The likelihood is that your boobs probably don’t match, there might be hairs in a few funny places and the droop won’t always be ideal, but instead of critically analysing yourself like I did take a moment to figure out the boobs you have, what shape? What’s different? What bras are best suited for the ultimate fit?  I’m not the girl that gets to wear the pretty trims and lace bralettes, it’s just a no go in the support department from me. But maybe you are.

Hannah Jensen